Mum of one, Zena, 33 has worked in health and social care for ten years and always wanted to be a mum. When her baby girl came along after a difficult labour, Zena struggled with loneliness, isolation and drowning in all the daily tasks she felt she needed to be on top of. While Zena loved being a mum, she also felt she was losing her identity and slowing sinking into a ‘black hole’.
Then Home-Start Bradford District came into her life.
Zena’s Story
My daughter, who is now 11 months old, was born after a 24-hour labour, which resulted in a second-degree tear – I was in so much pain for the first two months of her life! I was struggling to be a mum and keep on top of all the housework – I barely had time to eat or shower. I was sinking lower and lower and I had totally lost my identity. Even though I had always wanted to be a mum, that’s all I felt I was.
I was at a baby massage group, when my daughter was a lot younger, and I got talking to one of the girls about how I was feeling and she told me about Home-Start Bradford. She told me all about the support that she had been getting. I am quite a strong-minded person and very independent – I know what I want and I know what I don’t like and I didn’t want someone telling me what to do. She reassured me that the volunteer that supported her didn’t tell her how to parent, they were a ‘friendly ear’ and were there to help her and not to judge. I’m not the kind of person that asks for help, but I had to agree the volunteer peer support sounded ideal for me.
Before I knew it, Trudi the Family and Volunteer Coordinator at Home-Start Bradford District was at my house. She was fabulous and understood my personality immediately as she is very similar, I was confident that she would find a volunteer to match me and my needs.
And she certainly did! I was matched with Germaine and she was great from the start. I didn’t want someone telling me how to be a mum and patronising me and she didn’t – she was simply fantastic. I know I am a good parent – I thrive on it, but I was sinking in all the things I was trying to get done and it couldn’t carry on – I was even doing an online course as I could feel my brain was ‘dying’ from not working.
I wasn’t managing my time at all and Germaine helped. She showed me that the house did not have to be as clean as I was making it, as long as it was clean enough for my daughter. She simply saw me for me and didn’t judge me at all. We would take my daughter out for walks and we would talk and talk; about my daughter; me not working; how I was feeling and just like that my saving grace had come into my life. She kept telling me I had ‘got this’ and she helped me bring my sense of self back.
I wish I had known about Home-Start Bradford District from the very beginning, the support has been invaluable to me and I can’t stress enough how Trudi and Germaine brought me out of that ‘black hole’. Life is now back to normal and I don’t need volunteer support now – I am back to being me!
